Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Dear You

How are you? It has been 5 years since our thing.

I can see you're getting near to the dream that you always told me then. How good your relationship is with your family and friends. You probably even have someone by your side now. It's good to see how lively your life now. Truthfully, I love seeing you busy doing things you've always liked. And I assume, deep inside, you've changed a lot, more than I can imagine. Although it's a little bit sad, I'm happy to see you're living the best way possible. At least, that's what I see.

On the other hand, I'm not doing so well. I failed my IPMA application, and now I failed my UPU application. I'm trying to reapply now, hoping that my second application will be able to make it.

I've changed a lot, too. My English is getting good, and now I'm involved in martial arts. Kinda switching our roles slowly, haha. Most of the times, I'm not very pleased with myself. But that's a long, seasoned issue, I don't want to talk about that.

It has been 5 years. I can put my mind off of you now. I'm into my daily routine nowadays. It sounds boring, though, since most of the times I'll just stay at home and help my mum doing the household. It's like training to be a full time housewife, haha. But a full time housewife can be so busy too, I tell you. I don't feel very much effective, but I don't hate this kinda routine. I'm happy to contribute to my family in the way that I could.

Still, this kinda lifestyle leaves me some space to think. Well, to daydream to be specific. I daydream about many things. Like, how is my house gonna be when I get married. How can I decorate my home. What kind of room will my kids have. Sometimes, I would think about you. I would think about what you think of me now. What would have happened if things went differently. If we never met. Or if we chose to stay. Should that happens, I'd surely be a very different person than who I am today.

It has been 5 years. During these years, I've met new people, seen new possibilities, even putting my eyes on some people. Perhaps, I should wait a little bit longer. For these past years, the only experience I know is you. The real one. It doesn't hold me back, though. I'm open to new experiences ;)

Sometimes, I feel like talking. Telling you what I went through, how I feel, what I hope, etc etc. Sometimes, I feel like listening. Listen to what you went through, how you feel, what you hope, etc etc. But you know, the right of talking and listening is only granted to the chosen people. Judging from me never had that opportunity, I assume that you're gone, and I should not wish more.

You could've said, "You can contact me anytime you want." to me. But you know, I do have ego, as a person. I would've contact you to say hi and such, but to do the talking and listening, I probably need some lines that are more assuring.

But, I'm just whining, you know. Maybe I'm affected with Cory-Lea story, maybe tonight is one of the nights that I would think of you randomly, I don't know. Now that I just happen to think a bit about you, I just wanna let it out, knowing that it won't reach you.

You've changed a lot. I've changed a lot. I don't put much hope on anything big. Just, even after all these years, and all other years coming up, there will always be a tiny, little space in you and I, for both of us.

See you again.

Monday, July 15, 2013

Cory and Lea

It feels personal about Cory's death.

Saya bukan peminat Glee, pun bukan peminat Cory, tapi saya kadang kadang tertengok juga tv show tu, so recognize la jugak muka Cory dan Lea ni.

So bila saya tertengok dalam berita yang Cory ditemui mati, saya agak terkejut la juga. Saya pun tengok tengoklah response orang ramai dengan berita ni.

It saddens me. The story about Lea and Cory, the feelings of his fans and family, they are just... heartbreaking.

Maybe it's true, "tell them you love them today, because they can disappear tomorrow."

p/s: I feel like meeting again...

Cory and Lea. Be strong, Lea.

Be strong, me.